1 00:00:01,968 --> 00:00:03,837 ♪ MTV ♪ 2 00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:26,792 Uh, we're here to pay our parking tickets. 3 00:00:26,793 --> 00:00:28,895 Yeah, let's make it quick. Yeah. 4 00:00:29,996 --> 00:00:31,330 Guys, this is a church. 5 00:00:31,331 --> 00:00:34,467 The courthouse is two blocks down the street. 6 00:00:34,468 --> 00:00:35,801 Huh? 7 00:00:35,802 --> 00:00:37,204 Huh. 8 00:00:37,304 --> 00:00:38,705 Well, Your Honor, if it's not a courthouse, 9 00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:39,872 what are you doing here? 10 00:00:41,042 --> 00:00:43,043 No, I'm not a judge. 11 00:00:43,143 --> 00:00:44,644 I am a priest. 12 00:00:44,645 --> 00:00:45,678 Oh, I get it now. 13 00:00:45,679 --> 00:00:47,914 Yeah, a priest. I see. 14 00:00:47,915 --> 00:00:50,783 Easy mistake to make. 15 00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:52,618 So, Your Honor, how much is it gonna take 16 00:00:52,619 --> 00:00:55,187 to make these tickets go away? 17 00:00:55,188 --> 00:00:56,523 Yeah, maybe get a little something nice 18 00:00:56,524 --> 00:00:58,024 for yourself, you know? 19 00:00:58,025 --> 00:00:59,358 Some more of those beads, maybe? 20 00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:02,195 Damn it. 21 00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:04,730 We come here every day, and that guy never takes our money. 22 00:01:05,999 --> 00:01:08,101 Well, that's the government for you, Beavis. 23 00:01:08,201 --> 00:01:10,135 Nobody wants to work. 24 00:01:10,136 --> 00:01:11,637 Hi, I'm Richard. 25 00:01:11,638 --> 00:01:13,639 I've noticed you two spend a lot of time here. 26 00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:15,476 It's a wonderful community, isn't it? 27 00:01:15,576 --> 00:01:17,477 Yeah, we're here because we parked in a zone. 28 00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:18,645 Yeah. 29 00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:21,080 Well, the congregation has organized 30 00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:25,151 a mission trip to Mexico, and we'd love to have you join us. 31 00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:27,822 Uh, you guys are going on a mission? 32 00:01:28,889 --> 00:01:30,590 Sure are. 33 00:01:30,591 --> 00:01:32,758 We're going down there for the day to fight structural poverty 34 00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:34,294 and combat homelessness. 35 00:01:34,394 --> 00:01:35,795 Well, combat is cool. 36 00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:37,129 Yeah. 37 00:01:37,130 --> 00:01:38,832 Yeah, I wanna fight structures. 38 00:01:38,933 --> 00:01:40,400 Yeah. 39 00:01:40,401 --> 00:01:42,635 Uh, can you excuse us, sir? 40 00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:44,737 That guy wants us to go 41 00:01:44,738 --> 00:01:48,775 on a combat mission for, like, the army or something. 42 00:01:50,244 --> 00:01:51,744 Yeah, remember we wanted to join the army 43 00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:53,246 after high school, but they said we were 44 00:01:53,247 --> 00:01:55,483 like, mentality or something? 45 00:01:57,084 --> 00:01:59,418 I wanna blow stuff up with a tank. 46 00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:02,889 And I would like a flamethrower, please. 47 00:02:02,990 --> 00:02:04,324 Yeah. 48 00:02:04,325 --> 00:02:05,958 You boys have a high school diploma? 49 00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:07,527 Is that that thing they give you when 50 00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:09,829 you drop out of high school? 51 00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:11,565 I lost mine. 52 00:02:13,500 --> 00:02:15,701 Yeah, he told us the army was full. 53 00:02:16,903 --> 00:02:18,705 See, maybe this is our chance. 54 00:02:18,706 --> 00:02:21,708 I always wanted to serve my country with a flamethrower. 55 00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:23,175 Yeah. 56 00:02:23,176 --> 00:02:24,878 We'll do it, Sarge. 57 00:02:24,879 --> 00:02:26,645 We're ready to go to war, sir. 58 00:02:27,614 --> 00:02:28,948 Ha! 59 00:02:28,949 --> 00:02:30,050 Always great to have some volunteers 60 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:31,317 with a sense of humor. 61 00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:32,520 See you on the bus. 62 00:02:32,620 --> 00:02:34,520 We're silent but deadly. 63 00:02:39,793 --> 00:02:42,929 Most guys in their 30s, 40s, and 50s or beyond 64 00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:45,131 seem to have a huge misconception 65 00:02:45,132 --> 00:02:46,799 about dating younger women. 66 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:48,067 And if you fall into that-- - Uh-huh. 67 00:02:48,068 --> 00:02:50,236 Yeah, yeah. Yeah. 68 00:02:50,237 --> 00:02:52,271 Yeah, I'm listening. Yeah. 69 00:02:53,940 --> 00:02:55,275 In your dating life and keeping you single 70 00:02:55,276 --> 00:02:56,576 and not dating hot, young women. 71 00:02:56,577 --> 00:02:57,744 So in today's-- 72 00:02:57,745 --> 00:03:00,646 Okay, I'm all ears. 73 00:03:00,647 --> 00:03:04,116 Don't know is that they can actually turn their age 74 00:03:04,117 --> 00:03:07,621 into an advantage with women if they do just one simple thing. 75 00:03:07,721 --> 00:03:10,090 Uh, wow. 76 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,959 You know, like, I always thought the reason 77 00:03:12,059 --> 00:03:13,626 I don't score is 'cause there's just 78 00:03:13,627 --> 00:03:15,795 one simple thing I don't do. 79 00:03:15,796 --> 00:03:18,798 And now she's gonna tell us what it is. 80 00:03:18,799 --> 00:03:20,301 Yeah, yeah, me too. 81 00:03:20,401 --> 00:03:22,201 You know, it's like, man, chicks look at me, 82 00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:23,836 and they're like, you know, he's just 83 00:03:23,837 --> 00:03:26,038 only doing one thing wrong. 84 00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:28,074 Otherwise, I'd score with him. 85 00:03:29,610 --> 00:03:32,178 You see, most younger girls can fall in love 86 00:03:32,179 --> 00:03:34,013 with an older man very easily. 87 00:03:34,014 --> 00:03:36,549 In fact, not only can I say that from my own experience, 88 00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:37,917 but there have-- 89 00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:41,487 She's like, I have two 100-year-old husbands. 90 00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:44,791 older men as more confident, 91 00:03:44,792 --> 00:03:47,793 assertive, and masculine than guys their age. 92 00:03:47,794 --> 00:03:49,829 And that's incredibly sexy to a woman. 93 00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:51,397 So if you as an older guy-- 94 00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:53,366 This chick is great. 95 00:03:53,367 --> 00:03:55,067 Yeah. 96 00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:58,037 She's like, not afraid to say the things 97 00:03:58,038 --> 00:03:59,839 that I wanna believe is the truth. 98 00:04:01,075 --> 00:04:02,843 Yeah, yeah, exactly. 99 00:04:02,943 --> 00:04:04,377 Yeah, yeah. 100 00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:06,012 As an older guy, you don't want them to be impressed. 101 00:04:06,112 --> 00:04:07,980 You want them attracted. So this is a huge mistake. 102 00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:09,683 It makes you come off as a needy try-hard 103 00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:11,917 and shows that you really don't trust 104 00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:13,353 in your own value as a man. 105 00:04:13,453 --> 00:04:16,522 So she's saying the problem is we're trying too hard? 106 00:04:16,523 --> 00:04:19,959 I don't know how much not harder I could try, you know? 107 00:04:21,461 --> 00:04:24,031 I mean, that might be impossible. 108 00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,667 Uh, yeah, really. 109 00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:30,136 We're sexy 'cause we don't care. 110 00:04:32,572 --> 00:04:34,807 Number one, you make strong eye contact. 111 00:04:34,808 --> 00:04:35,809 And this seems-- 112 00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:37,110 Uh, yeah. 113 00:04:37,111 --> 00:04:39,646 I make strong eye contact. 114 00:04:39,746 --> 00:04:41,047 With their butt. 115 00:04:44,385 --> 00:04:47,787 This is such a neat, little trick, I guess, that guys do. 116 00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:49,755 All you have to do is call a girl by a nickname 117 00:04:49,756 --> 00:04:50,923 that you gave her. 118 00:04:50,924 --> 00:04:53,126 Chatterbox if she talks a lot-- 119 00:04:53,127 --> 00:04:54,460 Nickname? 120 00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:55,594 Okay, I guess I could do that. 121 00:04:55,595 --> 00:04:57,763 I mean, what's a cute, fun nickname? 122 00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:01,968 Hello there, asswipe. 123 00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:03,803 Nice to meet you. 124 00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:05,671 Can I buy you a drink-- 125 00:05:05,672 --> 00:05:08,508 My little asswipe? 126 00:05:08,509 --> 00:05:10,509 Also, you talk too much. 127 00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:13,880 I've noticed you've always got your nose in a book. 128 00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:16,883 So I'm gonna call you butthole. 129 00:05:18,785 --> 00:05:21,488 Number four, small disagreements. 130 00:05:21,489 --> 00:05:23,323 So you see, another mistake-- 131 00:05:23,324 --> 00:05:24,557 Oh. 132 00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:25,926 Wait a minute, Butt-Head. 133 00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:28,494 Everything she's saying is stuff you do to me. 134 00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:31,464 You, like, disagree with me, and--and you call me names. 135 00:05:31,465 --> 00:05:32,999 And-- - Damn it, Beavis. 136 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,601 No, I don't. - See? 137 00:05:34,602 --> 00:05:35,901 See, you're doing it right there. 138 00:05:35,902 --> 00:05:37,137 You're disagreeing with me. 139 00:05:37,138 --> 00:05:38,804 Damn it, Beavis! Shut up. 140 00:05:38,805 --> 00:05:40,840 Butt-Head, are you trying to score with me? 141 00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,441 Damn it, Beavis, if you say one more thing 142 00:05:42,442 --> 00:05:44,710 like that, I'm gonna beat the crap out of you. 143 00:05:44,711 --> 00:05:46,946 Whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, take it easy. 144 00:05:46,947 --> 00:05:48,481 Kind of coming across as a little bit 145 00:05:48,482 --> 00:05:50,984 of a desperate trier or whatever. 146 00:05:50,985 --> 00:05:52,685 - Damn it, butthole! - Yeah, see? 147 00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:54,820 See, there--there's with the nicknames. 148 00:05:54,821 --> 00:05:57,656 Look, Butt-Head, I mean, not that there's anything 149 00:05:57,657 --> 00:06:00,427 wrong with it, but, um, I just, uh, 150 00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:02,128 my tastes don't run that way. 151 00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:03,497 Agh! 152 00:06:03,597 --> 00:06:05,732 - Damn it, Beavis. - See, physical touch! 153 00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:08,034 I know you're desperate. 154 00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:10,805 Damn it, Beavis, I'm not trying to-- 155 00:06:10,905 --> 00:06:11,972 It's not your fault. 156 00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:14,774 There's just one simple thing you're doing wrong. 157 00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:18,377 You--you have a schlong, see? Ow. 158 00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:19,479 Thank you for watching this video. 159 00:06:23,750 --> 00:06:26,186 all: ♪ Michael, row the boat ashore ♪ 160 00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:29,322 ♪ Hallelujah ♪ 161 00:06:29,423 --> 00:06:33,092 ♪ Michael, row the boat ashore ♪ 162 00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:34,460 ♪ Hallelujah ♪ 163 00:06:34,461 --> 00:06:36,195 I can't believe it, Butt-Head. 164 00:06:36,196 --> 00:06:37,797 We finally joined the army, 165 00:06:37,798 --> 00:06:40,132 and now we're going into combat, yeah. 166 00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:43,602 They say killing changes a man. 167 00:06:44,938 --> 00:06:46,906 It sure changed these poor bastards. 168 00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:48,875 Look at 'em. 169 00:06:48,876 --> 00:06:50,409 Hardened killers. 170 00:06:51,578 --> 00:06:53,479 Yep, look at their eyes. 171 00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:54,849 Their souls are gone. 172 00:06:56,350 --> 00:06:58,284 Just a bus full of tough sons of bitches 173 00:06:58,285 --> 00:07:00,621 with one-way tickets to hell. 174 00:07:08,696 --> 00:07:10,430 Wow. 175 00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:14,768 So this is the jungle. 176 00:07:14,869 --> 00:07:17,904 Yeah. 177 00:07:17,905 --> 00:07:21,207 Uh, these weapons suck. 178 00:07:21,208 --> 00:07:23,843 How are you supposed to kill someone with a hammer? 179 00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:25,178 I don't know, 180 00:07:25,179 --> 00:07:26,913 probably if you threw it at somebody really hard. 181 00:07:27,014 --> 00:07:28,381 Agh! 182 00:07:28,382 --> 00:07:30,082 Ugh. - See? 183 00:07:30,083 --> 00:07:31,919 You're still alive. 184 00:07:32,019 --> 00:07:33,386 Oh, yeah. Yeah. 185 00:07:33,387 --> 00:07:36,055 Damn it. 186 00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:39,525 Uh, sir, we wanna like, see some action already. 187 00:07:39,526 --> 00:07:41,761 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, lock and load. 188 00:07:41,861 --> 00:07:43,196 You got it. 189 00:07:43,197 --> 00:07:44,263 Why don't you take these two nail guns 190 00:07:44,264 --> 00:07:46,198 and go help out Victor? 191 00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:48,268 Yeah. Yeah, now we're talking. 192 00:07:48,369 --> 00:07:49,469 Yeah. 193 00:07:49,470 --> 00:07:51,405 Let's get it on, Beavis. 194 00:07:51,505 --> 00:07:52,872 Time to go wax that dude. 195 00:07:54,107 --> 00:07:55,776 Let's go rack up our body count. 196 00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:57,343 Yeah. 197 00:07:57,344 --> 00:07:58,978 Counting sucks. 198 00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:05,653 ♪ Oh, saved and I'm glad ♪ 199 00:08:05,753 --> 00:08:06,654 ♪ I'm glad ♪ 200 00:08:06,754 --> 00:08:09,189 ♪ Oh, saved and I'm-- ♪ 201 00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:11,791 Oh, my. That's not good detail work. 202 00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:12,925 Bless their hearts. 203 00:08:12,926 --> 00:08:14,661 I better get a hammer. 204 00:08:16,297 --> 00:08:17,763 Stay frosty. 205 00:08:17,764 --> 00:08:19,965 Well, looks like the enemy bugged out. 206 00:08:19,966 --> 00:08:21,233 Yeah, that sucks. 207 00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:22,502 We were gonna kick his ass. 208 00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:26,338 Uh, let's kick his fort's ass. 209 00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:28,342 Sir, yes, sir. 210 00:08:28,442 --> 00:08:29,575 Get some. 211 00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:37,483 You will never take our freedom! 212 00:08:37,484 --> 00:08:38,518 Yah! 213 00:08:39,586 --> 00:08:41,254 Unleash hell! 214 00:08:42,389 --> 00:08:45,091 Special delivery from Uncle Sam. 215 00:08:45,092 --> 00:08:48,662 Yeah. 216 00:08:49,897 --> 00:08:52,165 By the power of Grayskull! 217 00:08:55,769 --> 00:08:58,571 Well, Beavis, another win for America. 218 00:08:58,572 --> 00:09:00,740 We just, like, made some freedom. 219 00:09:00,841 --> 00:09:02,209 Yeah. 220 00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:03,342 Oh, my God. 221 00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:05,411 What the hell did you guys do? 222 00:09:05,412 --> 00:09:07,180 We kept this country safe. 223 00:09:07,181 --> 00:09:09,583 That's what the hell we did. 224 00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:11,650 Yeah, while you were back there pushing papers around, 225 00:09:11,651 --> 00:09:13,619 we were risking our lives out here. 226 00:09:13,620 --> 00:09:15,488 Freedom isn't free. See what I'm saying? 227 00:09:15,489 --> 00:09:17,289 Sometimes you gotta--ah! 228 00:09:17,290 --> 00:09:18,691 Ugh! 229 00:09:18,692 --> 00:09:19,825 Go, out! 230 00:09:19,826 --> 00:09:21,228 - Hey, hey. - Run. 231 00:09:21,328 --> 00:09:22,328 God damn it! 232 00:09:22,329 --> 00:09:24,230 You can't handle the truth. 233 00:09:25,700 --> 00:09:27,333 You said "handle." 234 00:09:27,334 --> 00:09:30,203 Get back here, you bastards! 235 00:09:34,541 --> 00:09:36,209 That's the problem, Butt-Head. 236 00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:37,911 The politicians in Washington won't let us 237 00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:40,080 do what it takes to win, see? 238 00:09:40,181 --> 00:09:42,015 Yep. 239 00:09:42,016 --> 00:09:44,484 We're just gonna have to find the enemy on our own. 240 00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:47,620 Yeah, this is cool. 241 00:09:47,621 --> 00:09:48,922 We're, like, going commando. 242 00:09:49,023 --> 00:09:51,190 Yeah. 243 00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:54,660 And Beavis, if I don't make it back alive, 244 00:09:54,661 --> 00:09:57,563 tell your mom thanks for supporting my troops. 245 00:10:00,634 --> 00:10:02,369 I banged your mom. 246 00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:06,339 Yeah, wait a second. 247 00:10:06,340 --> 00:10:08,909 Shut up, Butt-Head. 248 00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:10,776 Commando. 249 00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:12,546 I banged her for America. 250 00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:39,839 Hello, I'm Tom Anderson, veteran of two foreign wars. 251 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:43,109 But today, Marcie and I are on vacation 252 00:10:43,110 --> 00:10:46,246 here at this beautiful beach resort in Mexico 253 00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:49,348 right there on the edge of the Sonora Desert. 254 00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:52,818 It is our first vacation in 15 years, 255 00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:56,923 what with being on a fixed income from a military pension. 256 00:10:57,024 --> 00:11:00,360 And it is a relaxing one, I tell you what. 257 00:11:00,361 --> 00:11:03,797 - Beavis, let's kill that guy. - Yeah. 258 00:11:03,897 --> 00:11:06,565 But no part of it was quite as relaxing 259 00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:09,568 as what happened this morning at the breakfast buffet. 260 00:11:09,569 --> 00:11:11,905 I approached what appeared at a distance 261 00:11:11,906 --> 00:11:14,106 to be ordinary waffles. 262 00:11:15,709 --> 00:11:17,144 What the hell? 263 00:11:18,546 --> 00:11:20,914 Like, eat nails or something. 264 00:11:20,915 --> 00:11:24,617 Yeah, courtesy of the USA, you son of a bitch. 265 00:11:25,619 --> 00:11:27,920 Take that, you bastard! 266 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,191 - Hey! - Hey, cut it out. 267 00:11:35,896 --> 00:11:37,464 Hey, stop. 268 00:11:39,799 --> 00:11:41,034 There now. 269 00:11:41,035 --> 00:11:42,868 What was I talking about, Marcie? 270 00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:44,237 Right. 271 00:11:44,238 --> 00:11:47,240 Now, these waffles had a little surprise in them 272 00:11:47,241 --> 00:11:50,043 called chocolate chips. 273 00:11:50,044 --> 00:11:52,645 And one other secret ingredient, 274 00:11:52,646 --> 00:11:54,513 but that's a tale for the next 275 00:11:54,514 --> 00:11:57,618 "Tom Anderson's Vacation Stories." 276 00:12:00,654 --> 00:12:04,190 Por favor, un otro? 277 00:12:04,291 --> 00:12:06,360 Let's get out of here. This place sucks.